Broken Promises

Words are just words, aren’t they?

Can’t anyone say the things you say?

What makes me believe you?

How do I know what’s true 

and what’s false?

What good are lies that make me smile now?

Lies that eventually lead to my despair

Babe, don’t make any promises you can’t keep.

Don’t keep me on this leash

and drag me along like this, 

Like bare skin on concrete.

I trust you because isn’t that love?

What we have is different right?

But I know that in the end, it’s just me,

all alone, patching up my scrapes and bruises, 

hating myself for believing 

everything you lied about.

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Coldest day in October 

 I think these writings will help express the feelings I get when I see you. 

———————————-

Scripture I:

Her body doesn’t keep me warm it’s her heart. Her ability to constantly keep me happy. I just wanna break free from this life and hold her till I die. 

It hasn’t been sunny, but man I love her more than honey and you can call me Winnie the poo. 

I just wanna sleep beside her, maybe I’m a monster for trying to snatch her heart.  I’m as selfish as they come I feel like an oyster and she’s my pearl. I’m so lucky cause they only come once in a million. Baby I promise you I’m gonna make a billion. 

Numbness

Be careful what you wish you because you might actually get it.

Kept getting hurt to the point of numbness??

Don’t feel anything

Alive but dead… hold my breath sometimes to make sure I’m actually alive

Something’s wrong

Brain – chemicals – numbness

Finally cried for the first time in a long time – felt good… felt something. Felt right. I love him. 

Numb and empty.

I don’t know.

When the Water Goes Still 

Ever seen a body of water before a storm. It’s completely still it. I’ve been feeling like my life has been still for a while now.

When is my storm coming?

I am Hurricane and I am coming strong. Call me Katrina bitch.

FOCUS

-a powerful action that leads to the results I need

—————Written by

                                       SnatchtheCrown

                                            published by confusingmentality



 

 

 

Water

Water is amazing. We humans are made mostly of it and we cannot survive without it. I am so thankful for water and I love it so much.

Being around water is everything. It is the greatest thirst quencher and has a refreshing taste. Even in water is when I am the happiest. Whether it is in the shower, the pool, or the ocean, water never ceases to make me feel good. Just looking at a water fall or being in the rain brings a great feeling to me. 

I am so grateful for water in my life. I know there are those who have no access to it so it makes me appreciate it even more. 

New Lifestyle 

So Ramadhan just passed and I went through a spiritual cleanse and decided that it is finally time to change the way I live my life. And this change is change from every aspect; physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and socially.

Health

I am not in the best shape in the world. In fact, the way I was eating and living would have left me with less years to live. I want to be a healthy individual. Recently, I have taken up exercising regularly and eating right. I feel better about myself and have so much more energy. In my genes, there are many of the world’s most fatal diseases, so I am trying to lower my chances of getting them. It is a working struggle, but I am trying.

Social Life 

I have realized that life is too short to focus on petty things and so, I stopped letting the past hold me back. I am now “cool with everyone,” meaning I do not have a problem with anyone. But that does not mean that we are necessarily great friends. I just do not want harm and drama in my life. Also, I have finally realized who the few people who actually matter are. They are my family and a handful of friends that I would categorize as family as well. They are those people that are always there no matter what and that will always be there. 

Many people are quite unattractive to me. This does not mean in the physical sense. I have come to like very goal oriented people with good and genuine personalities. I have distanced myself from those that are not like that. It is a stress free social life and I am happy that I am adopting this.

Future

I have been thinking about my future, both in this life and the hereafter. For this life, I made school and education my number one priority. It is vital for me to do well and I am working on not being distracted from my studies. I can become anything I put my mind to, but my laziness and social life tend to come in the way of that.

For the hereafter, I am trying to become a better Muslim. InshaAllah, I will start praying salatul layl and learning the meaning of the Quran. There is just so much history in Islam and I want to be informed of it. I am just reading in general to become less ignorant of the world and what goes on.
In all honesty, I am just trying to be a good person with a positive attitude. I have matured significantly, for when I read some of my old posts, I cringe. My faith in Allah is what keeps me going. These changes have been quite difficult to apply, but I am taking baby steps.

I have never been satisfied with the way I portray myself externally, but I did not know how to go about change. Then, someone came into my life and helped me through it and probably does not realize the impact he has made on my life. I will be forever grateful for that. You honestly never know how your simple advice can affect another person. Also, the support I received from both family and friends made me realize that I can do it. 

I am very content with my life and grateful for all that I have. My new lifestyle is something I am glad that I have implemented.


I Don’t Belong

Sometimes, I think there’s something wrong with me because I feel so out of place. Wherever I go, I feel like an outlier. I just don’t belong anywhere. 

No one understands me and it is really hard for me to make people understand my mentality. First, they won’t understand exactly why I do the things that I do. They just don’t get my logic. It’s who I am and it is something they are incapable of understanding. And frankly, very few have the time or patience to try to understand. So I find only myself to be the one true person who gets me. And sometimes, I don’t even understand myself. But I’m still learning.

It just makes me feel terrible when people think that I can’t feel a certain way. They invalidate my feelings and my right to opinion. The things that I may find absurd may be completely normal to them, but that doesn’t mean they could say my feelings are wrong. You just don’t understand me, who I am, my morals and ideals. The things I might take lightly might be things you take seriously. But I don’t go around saying you’re wrong for feeling such a way. Who am I to say that? And likewise, who are you do say that to me?

If you don’t get why I do the things I do, then it’s okay. I accept the fact that no one understands me. Just don’t judge me for it because you don’t know what goes through my head. 

And this is why I am confusing mentality.

Those people

You know those people that you just meet and you automatically  click? I don’t know how it happens, but when it happens, it feels so great. You feel like you’ve know the person all of your life, when it has barely been an hour. When I meet people like that, their presence brings a smile to my face and it is comforting to know they are there.

It is so weird. It is like a deep connection that happens instantly. I can be my complete self from the start and it is refreshing. Not only do they accept your weirdness, but they compliment it with their own.

When I meet someone like that, I know I have a friend for life. I love having such people in my life because whenever I see them, my whole day gets a hundred times better. So this post is for those people who come into my life and fit like a missing puzzle piece. You’re great.